


Don't Erase Our Heaven

by daveypuget



Category: AFI (Band)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Burials Era (AFI), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jade is an idiot, M/M, but he makes the right choice in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 15:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daveypuget/pseuds/daveypuget
Summary: Jade has an epiphany the night before his wedding, and he's running out of time to make things right.





	Don't Erase Our Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> This is set post Bright Black Heaven, pre Jade's wedding, and pre Burials, but it's still very Burials centric. It was also heavily inspired by several songs on Bright Black Heaven, after I found out that BBH was finished before Crash Love, but they continued to write new songs for BBH after CL, so it stands to reason that some of them came after Jade proposed to Marissa and evidently broke Davey's heart.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, created purely for entertainment purposes. I am not affiliated with Davey Havok, Jade Puget, or AFI in any way.

Jade started dating Marissa because Davey told him to.

He kept dating Marissa because having a public girlfriend made it safer for him and Davey to be together, because it made people think he was just another heterosexual guitarist.

They had a plan, and it was working. Until he went off book.

Until he asked Marissa to marry him because he’s a coward.

It’s been over a year, and he still can’t get the heartbroken look on Davey’s face out of his mind. He can’t stop thinking about the songs they’ve written for both the upcoming AFI album, and the recently released Bright Black Heaven, and the pure agony in the words. Jade feels like the jagged, uneven stitches in his heart have been torn open, but he can’t fault Davey for doing it. He was the one who broke both of their hearts to begin with.

What scares him isn’t Davey reopening old wounds. It’s that Davey isn’t giving up on them.

Jade has done his best to push him away, to make him move on and find someone who can give him the love he deserves. But David Marchand is a stubborn man, and once he gets his heart set on something, there’s very little that can knock him off course. Jade shattering his heart into smithereens didn’t stop him. Even Jade’s impending nuptials haven’t dissuaded him.

Davey said as much two days ago, when they fucked in Jade’s home studio while Marissa was at work, when Jade held him down with one hand on his throat and the other on his hip and told him, without much heat, that it was the last time. Davey simply laughed and quoted his own lyrics with a wry smile.

“You know this will never end.”

A twisted part of Jade takes sick pleasure in knowing that Davey is unable to move on. Davey is his, he has been since they were awkward teenagers falling in love in the backstreets of Ukiah. And despite the fact that he’ll soon be married, Jade is his in return, and always will be.

This will never end, not until both of them are in the ground.

**

Jade is exhausted. He’s thirty eight years old, and feels like he’s eighty.

He’s been in love with Davey since he was seventeen, since he was just another no name punk kid who didn’t care what anyone thought. Back then, everything was so easy. They spent all their spare time together, listening to music and raising hell all over town.

He gave Davey his first kiss, which left them both rattled, and in Davey’s own words, “set the stage for the rest of the relationship.” They lost their virginity to each other amidst awkward fumbling and soft laughter. They were just dumb kids then, but the love was real. The love is real.

And Jade is about to throw it all away for a woman who doesn’t know him at all, a woman who he doesn’t love--who he can’t love, because every broken piece of his barely beating heart still belongs to Davey.

Of course he would pick the night before his wedding to come to the realization that he’s a fucking idiot. How could he let his fear get the better of him like this? Worse, how could he let his fear consume Davey? Jade has never felt more regret than he does right now.

Panic begins to set in, and he feels like he’s suffocating, he has to get away from this house, away from everything that he shares with her. He needs Davey. Davey is the only thing that makes sense. Davey, whose arms have always sheltered him, even when Jade himself was the storm. Davey, who has fought tooth and nail to keep what they have alive, while Jade ran like a coward.

Davey, the man who somehow, despite everything that Jade has put him through, still loves him.

Snatching his keys off the table, he makes a run for the door, ignoring the concerned sound of Marissa’s voice calling after him. He doesn’t have it in him to care about her right now, there’s only one person who can help him fix all the problems he’s caused.

**

He doesn’t bother calling ahead to tell Davey that he’s coming, mostly because he doesn’t want to give himself time to chicken out. It’s now or never. He has this one last chance to put everything right, to let Davey know that he thinks they’re worth fighting for, even if it took him a ridiculous amount of time to realize it.

He’s got a long drive ahead of him, and he probably should have thought to put on shoes and grab a jacket, but there’s no going back now. If he goes back, he’ll look into Marissa’s confused eyes, and he’ll stay out of obligation. He can’t do that to Davey, to himself, or even to her. Not ever again.

As the hours and streetlights pass, Jade stops only twice, once for coffee to keep him from falling asleep behind the wheel, and once for gas and a bouquet of crappy gas station flowers. They’re already wilting, and not a good enough representation of how he feels for Davey, but they’ll put a smile on the vocalist’s face for the simple fact that they’re from Jade.

When all of this is over, when it’s just the two of them again, he’s going to make sure that there isn’t a single day that passes without Davey knowing how much he loves him. Jade will spend the rest of his life making up for the last eight years of pain. Davey will forgive him without much prompting, Jade knows this, but he won’t be able to forgive himself for a while yet--he’s been a fool for far too long.

**

It’s four am when he finally pulls up in Davey’s driveway. After cutting the engine, Jade sits there for a long moment, trying to remember how to breathe properly. He’s doing this. He’s really doing this. He’s going to march in there, and tell Davey exactly how he feels, with no room for misinterpretation. Jade refuses to waste a single moment now that he’s finally made up his mind about what, or rather who, he wants.

That’s the plan, anyway. What happens is a little different.

He’s shaking by the time he gets to the front door, so his knocks come out a little more frantic than intended. Movement stirs inside a few minutes later, a light comes on, and Jade’s heartbeat speeds up, nervous fingers clutching the wilted bouquet of flowers. When Davey finally opens the door, he looks like a dishevelled mess, but still gorgeous. Jade misses his fluffy hair, but this new look definitely works too.

The guitarist can’t seem to tear his eyes away from all the exposed flesh, as Davey is completely bare save for a pair of tight black briefs sitting snug on his hips, the thin material doing very little to hide what’s underneath. Jade swallows roughly, and he makes no attempt to hide the pathetic whimper that sounds in the back of his throat.

“Jade?”

His head whips up, face heating as he realizes Davey has been trying to get his attention for several seconds now. The shorter man has a slight smirk on his face, but what Jade notices the most is the look in his eyes. Love. Desire. Hope. It tells him all he needs to know, that Davey is still his, and he can still fix this.

Jade opens his mouth, ready to spill everything--and promptly bursts into tears

Showing up on Davey’s doorstep at four in the morning with bare feet, no jacket, and a bouquet of dying flowers is one thing. Doing all of that, and then starting to cry, well that’s a whole new can of worms. He doesn’t have much time to think on it though, because the other man is ushering him inside, strong arms wrapping around his thin frame to bring him close. It’s far from the first time he’s ever cried in front of him, but somehow this feels different.

This feels like coming clean.

Davey holds him for what feels like hours, but is really only about ten minutes, until his tears begin to subside, and he’s left sniffling into the crook of his neck. Davey’s embrace is a safe harbour, providing respite for a wrecked and rudderless ship.

“I can’t do it,” he mumbles pathetically, and Davey’s body immediately stiffens.

Even in his distraught state, Jade can tell that he’s bracing himself for rejection, so he pulls back just enough to look down into those beautiful but tired brown eyes. The guitarist exhales slowly, trying to calm himself enough to get the rest of his sentence out.

“I can’t marry her. My heart belongs to you.”

**

Time seems to slow down, as the enormity of Jade’s words hits them both. Davey sways a little, and Jade’s grip on him tightens. His heart hammers against his ribcage, as though it’s preparing to leap right out of his chest and land at Davey’s feet--a rather fitting place for it.

Davey blinks, and he looks so vulnerable it almost hurts. Jade frees one of his hands and brings it up to rest against the side of his face, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, the other still clutching that damn bouquet of flowers against Davey’s back. This is all he wants for the rest of his life, just the two of them together.

“I’ve been so stupid,” he mutters, thumb brushing against Davey’s cheek. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I had everything I needed, everything I wanted. And I was ready to throw it all away because of some stupid fear. I don’t--I don’t want to be scared anymore, Dave.”

Davey’s fingers dig into his hips, a familiar sensation that sends a shiver running down his spine. “Jade…” His name is spoken breathlessly, like a prayer, and he doesn’t deserve this love, this forgiveness. But Jade Puget is a selfish man, and so he takes it anyway.

There’s no finesse when he leans in to press their mouths together, all tongue and teeth and passion. The long forgotten flowers fall to the floor as he brings his hand up to grip the back of Davey’s neck, holding him in place even though it’s pretty clear that he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Teeth bite at his lower lip, and Jade groans deeply, feeling his arousal beginning to grow. All he wants is for Davey to push him down and claim him, to remind him who he belongs to, who he’s always belonged to. But there’s something he has to do first.

“Dave--wait,” it takes every ounce of self control to break away, though he doesn’t yet loosen his grip on the shorter man. Panting heavily, Jade looks him in the eyes, again noticing the vulnerability that Davey shares with no one but him and the music. “Before we do this, I have to tell her. I have to end it for good.”

Davey sags in his hold, all of the tension melting away with the confirmation that Jade is really, truly, choosing him. “Jade,” a tentative hand comes up, fingertips dancing along the curve of his jaw, dark eyes still alight with hope. “I love you. _I love you_.”

Jade smiles, really smiles, for the first time in months, and leans in to kiss him again, but gentler this time--reassuring. “I love you too, Dave. It was you all along. It will always… be you.”

Stepping back, he finally notices the flowers lying on the floor, and leans down to pick them up, before presenting them to Davey with a dramatic flourish. “I got you these. They’re a bit sad looking, though. That’ll teach me to buy flowers from a gas station.”

As expected, the other man beams, immediately wandering off to find a vase to put them in, though Jade is convinced they’ll be dead by the time the sun comes up. Blatantly staring at Davey’s backside as he walks away, he fishes his phone out of his pocket, unsurprised to find that he has multiple texts and missed calls from Marissa.

This is a mess.

Steeling himself, he brings up Marissa’s name in his contact list, and presses the call button. Breaking her heart was never part of the plan, but he has no choice. He needs to set her free so that she can find someone who will love her the way she deserves, someone who will love her the way he and Davey love each other. It’s the least he can do.

She answers on the second ring, and Jade very nearly hangs up in a panic.

“Jade,” He can tell that she’s been crying, because of him. “You’re not coming back, are you?”

He exhales, heartbeat jumping when he feels Davey step behind him and wrap his arms around his middle. Thank god for Davey. “I’m sorry. I just--I can’t do it. It’s not right, for either of us.”

“You’re with him.” It’s a statement, one that he can’t deny. She’s always been more perceptive than she lets on.

“I’m sorry,” He’s repeating himself, because he doesn’t know what else to say. “For pulling you into this, for making you think we had a future when I knew we didn’t. I’m just… sorry.”

Marissa falls silent, and when she speaks again, she just sounds sad. It feels like a knife in the gut. “Call me when you’re ready to come and get your things. We’ll discuss what to do with Munch.”

Jade swallows, and leans further back into Davey’s embrace. He feels like an asshole. He deserves to feel like an asshole. “Okay,” he pauses, taking a moment to collect himself. “Take care of yourself, Marissa.”

“You too,” an awkward silence hangs between them before she speaks again, very obviously fighting back more tears. “I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, Jade. I mean that.”

The call ends before he has a chance to say anything else, and although he still feels like the shittiest person alive, he feels… free. The weight on his shoulders is lifting. Jade turns in Davey’s arms, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

It’s done.

It’s finally done, and now they’re free to be together without having to sneak around.

**

When he meets Davey’s eyes, there’s a fire burning in them, alongside that unfailing hope. Jade swallows, well aware that the other man is still very much naked save for his underwear. He brings a hand up, roughly gripping his jaw. “Make me yours.”

Davey grins back at him, hands sliding down Jade’s sides and over his ass, before coming to rest on the backs of his thighs. A thrill runs through the guitarist when he’s lifted up, long legs automatically locking around Davey’s waist as he’s carried into the bedroom and tossed unceremoniously onto the bed, with Davey following soon after.

Nothing can keep them apart now.

**Author's Note:**

> This originally wasn't supposed to be so long, but the words just kept coming. Kudos and comments make me happy, so if you feel so inclined, please indulge me. You can find me on tumblr @ neonofferings.


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